Fear Of Intimacy Symptoms
How To Deal With A Fear Of Intimacy
Fear of intimacy very well may be one of the largest obstacles that society faces today. It is directly related to having a fear of rejection and it can result in an accumulation of failed relationships. In fact, it is one of the leading causes of divorce because sufferers feel lonely, isolated and are unable to connect with other people in their lives.
There are a number of causes of fear of intimacy. Previous experience with neglect or abuse are the most common. Many individuals are scared to allow themselves to open up and be vulnerable in a new relationship because they dwell on the heartache from a past one.
Some people have a strong fear of abandonment that makes them shut down completely or be very guarded and avoid an intimate relationship. Also, there are those individuals who have been raised in a home where their family does not show much emotion which makes them unfamiliar with how to be emotionally intimate with their partner.
Sadly, in some families, some types of intimacy are discouraged. These homes often have alcoholism or some other type of dysfunction present. Additionally, a fear of intimacy can be due to shame from exposure to pornography or sexual abuse.
Signs And Symptoms
When you have intimacy issues, you find it near impossible to share yourself with those you should easily be able to be close to. There are a few common signs and symptoms associated with having a fear of intimacy.
- You feel uncomfortable, angry or negative when others around you voice their opinion and thoughts.
- You find it important to open up and offer any personal information about yourself.
- You are unable to show affection to anyone, not even the people you love the most.
- You are fearful of rejection, betrayal and abandonment.
- You satisfy your partner and allow them to control you because you're scare that they will leave you.
- You always keep your opinion to yourself if it hurts you.
- You hide behind emotional barriers.
- You assume your significant other is going to hurt you because you have been hurt in the past.
Reducing Fear Of Intimacy
Having an intimacy issue in your relationship is quite severe and can definitely take its toll on both partners. You can actually be married to someone and be very lonely because you don't really know your partner intellectually, spiritually and emotionally. This can be more difficult and heartbreaking than being divorced or widowed. Marital loneliness can be devastating.
The easiest way to have a strong foundation with an intimate relationship is by building a solid friendship. There are three elements to a healthy relationship being honesty, communication and authenticity.
- Honesty – It is important to talk about things that are affecting your life and how you feel. By revealing what you feel is very important, you build trust. Never play games or expect your partner to be able to read your mind.
- Communication – You both need to open up on the same level. Share your personal thoughts and experiences. It is not fair for one partner to open their heart up while the other keeps things hidden away. You can reduce a fear of intimacy by talking about it.
- Authenticity – Always make sure that your actions and feelings actually match your words. Keep in mind that at least 90 percent of communication in a relationship is non verbal. Therefore, if you don't speak your feelings, chances are they will come out anyway. You may be afraid and vulnerable but it will allow you to take a giant step forward in your relationship.